As many of you have heard, Marie, Kuma and I were in a car crash on Sunday.
We’re shaken up, our car is totaled, but we’re lucky to have come out of it fine.
Driving down a quiet street in Venice, Ca., on our way back from picking up some groceries at Trader Joe’s, someone came barreling down an alleyway and without stopping crashed into us.
As is my nature, I ask myself, is there a lesson to be learned from this?
We’re very aware drivers, so it’s not that. However, I’m sure we’re going to be even more aware now.
Hmmm…
I have noticed that my mind is on overdrive – with one of them old stories.
The story goes something like this…
MIND:
See, when everything is going well – something always goes wrong. Life will
always be a hardship for you. Don’t rest assured that things are ever going to work out.
I know… time for a big ol’ I’m Back.
Back story:
I grew up in NYC’s East Village. At the time it was a very violent and poverty-stricken neighborhood filled with artists that were very committed to being starving artists.
And one of the credos of the starving artists is that doing well as an artist means that you will lose your creativity and not really be an artist. An underlying message in all this is: the more you put yourself out into the world – the greater the chance of bad things happening to you. Stay small, struggle, and get by.
This, of course, is total bullshit.
Wait, stop…
Total Bullshit.
However, when I am in a high-stress situation my mind goes back to it’s earliest (most screwed up) stories.
So, the lesson in all this as I see it, right now…
When we’re triggered into old stories because the present moment is intense – we can use that time as a cleanse.
Like toxins coming to the surface as we cleanse, old toxic thoughts can be cleansed from our being.
Of course, our minds would love us to go into a victimization party.
But let’s remember…
Every time we “I’m Back” from an intense mental drama
we cleanse ourselves from falling into that pattern repetitively.
So, come on! We’re bigger than the nonsense in our crappy thoughts.
Let’s rise up, say I’m back, and get back to creating.
Deal?
Ok, today I’m gonna stay cozy, rest up, and would love to hear from ya.
Are there thought patterns that emerge for you – that you’re ready to cleanse out of your system?
Write them below as a way to put that nonsense in the light of day.
(If you’re like me, you’ll feel embarrassed admitting what your mind says – but that’s just a trick our minds do to keep those thoughts in circulation.)
Then, take a deep breath, see what is actually in front of you. Feel the aliveness in your body, and know you ARE BACK!
With much love and gratitude
Josh Pais
First, I’m so glad you guys are ok!!! I had no idea. LA is full of terrible drivers and sometimes you just can’t prevent an accident….This post is so what I needed to hear today Josh!!!
I too, go into that mode “Too much good is happening, something bad must come” I recently have had great opportunities come may way and so has my fiance all in the last few months, all in 2013. We keep saying “2013!” as in this is our year…but in the back of my mind I sometimes think…”when is the sh*t gonna hit the fan?” I’M BACK! Then yesterday, I got a call from my manager to put myself on tape for MY DREAM ROLE! And what I instantly thought was “there is no way this is going to happen.” Again, I’M BACK! I’m going to do the best darn tape I can do, while seeing what’s in front of me, breathing and saying “I’M BACK”. I’m so happy to be doing this tape with a fellow CI’er who I know will support me in that state. THANKS JOSH! Love you guys and so happy you’re safe!
So I’m well into my 300 song recording list for the year – not far enough along to feel like I have “arrived”, tho. Not far enough along to feel like I can celebrate the 30+ songs already recorded, or the hundreds of views my rehearsal videos have already gotten.
No, instead, I’m hearing the stories in my head about how much farther I still have to go. That there’s still about 90% of the project yet undone. Nevermind the fact that a typical album only has 12 or so songs on it (and I’ve already recorded the equivalent of 3 albums just since January).
Nope. I’m hearing the struggle. I’m hearing the old “not enough” story. Oy-vey.
I’m back!
When I read this entry from Josh, I thought about the life lessons I continue to learn by playing tennis. When the present moment is intense for me in professional/personal/creative scenarios (not including where physical trauma is concerned), I am tempted to perceive myself and any other party involved as being in a fragile state. In my experience, treating another person as fragile does him or her a diservice. Approaching matters like hitting a tennis ball with everything I’ve got allows me to be bigger than the “nonsense in my head,” as Josh would say, and even invites any other party involved to do the same. Going out into the world is more worth it if I “swing freely,” as some tennis instructors say. I hope you recover quickly, Josh, and I’m glad to hear you and yours are ok.
Hi, Josh
So happy you guys are OK!!!
To your question, I have two thoughts that bullshit me:
1. “doing well as an artist means that you will lose your creativity and not really be an artist. An underlying message in all this is: the more you put yourself out into the world – the greater the chance of bad things happening to you. Stay small, struggle, and get by.”
I’m BACK
2. If I’m happy, I’ll be disrespectful to my father and the unhappy, poor and sick people in the world.
I’m BACK
Now, I go back to my constant training of being in the moment.
Much, much love to you three, my chosen extended family.
the best we can hope for is life. to be alive
to wake up well and happy that there is a beautiful day in front of us to absorb, create and reflect in, and even though horrible things can happen to us at any time, the grace of being present in a given moment is all we ever really have.
Saying “I’m Back” is recognizing that fact, and thanking the awareness we get to have as humans.
So relieved that you’re all okay. I hope the process of going through car stuff isn’t too stressful, and I hope that with time, you’ll be able to heal from this horrific experience.
Love.
I am so sorry on-behalf-of-the-universe that a car crashed into your car. scary. grateful that your car/providence protected you from hospital-harm and as a member of the ‘deprivation-mentality’ community, i am happy to be the recipient of what you shared – and admire your lemon-to-lemonade approach to what-could-be-a-trauma re-enforcer. you rock.
really,
yours,
rae c
Josh – thank you so much for this posting! I am so glad that you, Marie and Kuma are okay.
I have recently started to observe these old, self-limiting stories as a crummy radio station. When I become aware that I’m listening to the “You’re Not Safe and Everything Around is Out to Get You” radio station, I consciously change the radio station in my head to “237 – You’re Awesome! Boom-chicka-boom-chick-boom” radio station, and I do a little dance. For whatever reason, that seems to do the trick.
Lots of gratitude,
Rachel
Hi Josh, thank you for sharing! So glad you are really okay and so glad you shared your learning from all this. It’s a great question to ask ourselves when difficulties arise! What did I learn from this?
I tend to think the same thing that thoughts, pictures and sensations in the body are here to be seen and then let go of. Like they were held on to the first time, programmed in and then activated to be purged for good when stuff like this happens. They are just expressing themselves and there is nothing to hold on to. Notice, observe, see and feel and just let it be and ride it out and since there is no resistance or interaction in the story of the mind itself, it gets bored after a while trying to grab your attention. It’s like, hey, this could be of importance to you! No? Well then how about this memory? No? Hmm, what about that one from when you were 3? Still not hooking in? I guess it’s not who you think you are then… recalibrating! 🙂 aaaaand back!