I’ve been working on three different TV/movie/commercial/ sets in the past two weeks.
And as a result I have to recover.
Constantly.
See, I make Boo Boos.
My health is excellent by the way, so no worries.
But I do flub a line from time to time.
In the past, every time I made a small boo boo, it felt like I laid out a giant poo poo.
That ever happen to you?
And to be honest, it still feels like poo poo when I make a boo boo. But the big difference these days is my recovery time. Now, when I flub up I don’t go into a drama about it.
I just have a little “I’m Back” moment. I return to the sensations in my body, I breathe, I see what’s actually in front of me, and I commit fully to the next take.
And, I notice that as long as I am present after a boo boo, everyone else stays calm. And sometimes they’re even entertained to be part of the creative process.
Look…
We can’t afford to go into little dramas.
Are you with me on this?
The world needs you. Yes, I know, your mind wants to find any excuse it can to drag you into a dark cave and tell you that you suck – but stay in the light, my friend. Say “I’m back.” Tune into what is actually around you and that abusive mind will release it’s hold on you.
Your job is to have fun, tell the truth, and create in the present moment.
So, are you willing to play full out?
Let me know. Really, I want to know.
And if you have an example of going into the dark drama cave – and making your way out – share that with us. We’re all in this together.
I wish you an absolutely magical day.
And, thanks for coming to say hi.
Now, tell us if …
1- You’re willing to play full out.
and
2 – An example of ‘coming back’, and recovering, from listening to your mean ol’ thoughts.
Thx for commenting, Facebooking, Retweeting, and most importantly, being back.
Josh Pais
Oh man…I am still working at a Corp 9-5 and I swear the universe must have been aware that I was ready to REALLY begin to let go of the notion that I had to do anything perfectly. Bc I have messed up in front of ppl–collegues, bosses, etc–on countless occasions. I used to be devastated by it….but then I realized that I put myself out there so much and so frequently that its just sort of an odds thing. Plus no one seems to mind, as they keep asking me to return and tell me I am doing a “great job!” lol. Now whenever I mess up I say to myself…”more proof just in: I am not perfect.” hmmmm lately, what have I done? Well I can’t remember. Not bc I have been perfect but prob bc I have habituated to screwing up publicly in certain forums. Now that I am putting myself out there more in other ways, I am sure there will be many times that I cringe and want to hit rewind.
Thanks for sharing ur experience. It’s always good to know we’re not alone.
So, I have to do this thing, new to me and scary, that I kept postponing. I have to do it today and my mind keeps finding ways to stay put and not jump into the unknown. Your message just gave me courage to go for it. Thanks much-ly, Josh!!! xoxo
Regardless of what your mind says, you are an immense source of creativity, passion, impulse and aliveness.
Keep going!
I have to tweet this, Josh. GOLDEN!!!
I won’t try to stop you.
🙂
I love that so much. Regarldess of what your mind says, you are an immense source of creativty, passion, impulse and aliveness.
That just makes me so H A P P Y.
BEAUTIFUL INSPIRATION.
The drama cave. brilliant. So easy to detour there sometimes.When I find myself going into that cave, I say to myself- What can I feel and see and experience in this moment. This moment is mine. Live it fully and take it by the reins Kirsten!
So fun being in the moment. So much to discover and weave there.
love this post!
thank you.
Love that!
Thx Kirsten
Thanks for this Josh! I auditioned for a short film last week and in the middle of the audition the little voices in my head were saying “you suck.” I left and felt kinda bummed out because I really liked the role. I heard from the director this weekend and he said I was the best of the day! It was really eye-opening to feel so defeated by those thoughts and then to be so completely wrong. Then I woke up this morning to learn I also booked another job then you write this blog. It’s like the universe is trying to tell me something 🙂
Yea
We think if our head says we suck that it must be true.
Such nonsense.
CONGRATS!!!
J
Yes, I am willing to play full out. As for my story of being in the depths, let’s just say without going into too much detail that a failed relationship fails for a reason and sometimes, they are not meant to be restored. I’ve discovered some amazing things about myself in the process. One being my worth does not come from someone’s screwed up thoughts about me and I can choose to reject thoughts and people that are meant to constantly bring me down. I say it a lot, and I mean it…Onward and Upward. No looking back or living in the past. Living in the moment IS the best living I know.
It’s the only way to go!
This was such a well-timed post because it’s something I’ve been working on in my personal life as well as my creative life. Funny how it’s all intertwined. 🙂
I was experiencing great angst after a family function, and so I got out of my head and just went into my body. What I initially labeled as anger turned into a feeling of a fist around my heart and the feeling of a hand on my throat. I kept breathing with these sensations and marveled as they changed. The energy began to move and transform, and I felt OK as I said, “I’m back.”
The Head Trip is wild but not worth it, and it can be really short-lived when we “come back” to the present.
It’s so much better to be present. That is the gift.
It’s so amazing how body sensations shift with the mere experiencing of them.
Thank you for this Laura.
Exactly what I needed to hear.
I can breathe.
Great post Josh!
I’m soooo willing to play full out!
I went into a deep dark hole after a particularly painful diagnosis from a doc…but went into my studio with an all bets are off attitude and painted my way out of it!
The paintings I made as a result still astound me today…being in the present moment eased the pain and increased my connection to the work I was doing.
I’m back baby! Thanks!
Awesome.
Can you post one of your paintings here?
Or put a link?
It’d be great for us to see what you created.
J
So willing and so loved this post! My latest “I’m back” moment was last night when I was a little short w/ my daughter. I was feeling blue about it, but quickly reset with her and myself. Later that night, while she was at a friends house for a slumber party, she sent me a note saying what an awesome day she had with me, her sister, and dad. Ahh. Love it.
That is so precious!!
so ok, i never post things coz I think they aren’t worthy. I’m back. got a call for an audition last week during a very busy week of parenting my 8 year old daughter during her spring break. my friends – the gargoyle voices of “wisdom” and “sanity”- told me not to go to this audition. classic lines: you won’t be prepared and therefore will present yourself as an irresponsible, unprofessional loser and the word will spread and you will never get another audition. yummy, right? a line you can really sink your teeth into. another one: what kind of mother are you to leave your daughter on her vacation to go into the city and pursue that selfish path of no practical use to anyone but your own selfish soul? I have perfected the punch lines to a degree to be envied – if you are into that sort of thing. Thanks to many years of good therapy and a marriage to an amazingly creative and supportive musician husband, and committed impulse (that’s you, Josh), I could disengage myself from the savory dialogue with myself by saying, “I’m back.” I asked my husband for help, and he spent the afternoon with my daughter. It’s not over yet…on my way into the audition, those “you aren’t prepared” voices were ringing so loud in my head it hurt. I kept saying “I’m back, I’m back, I’m back,” all the way to the audition room, where I HAD A BLAST. The director kept asking me to do it different ways, and loved what I did. I know this because she told me so. I haven’t heard yet about whether or not I got the part – I’m back. I’m back because I was about to go into the “well only if you get the job is the story worth telling on Josh’s blog.”
Josh you’re a rockstar, boo boo’s n all! This came out of my cave the other night – “oh how can we make you be original? I guess its that some do, while others think to do, and while they may think better they dare not do, so the result is doo doo.” Oh and I’m back and willing to play in the truth and light!
Dear Josh,
THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORIES!!! Can’t wait to pa-pa-party in the LA intensive!
How about this for coming out of my cave? With my showcase coming up next week, last week I started to get bummed about the ODDS against me in this industry, about the size of my body, about…ummm…I don’t even remember, it was such CRAP.
I’M BACK- I am here because I want to be, I will land on my own two feet, and I have everything I need inside me- and when I breathe into myself and what’s around me, there is magic. And at the end of the day, when I get on the stage, or in an audition, or on a big-budget film set…I’ll be giving away that magic…for me.
See you soon!
Melly Belly
Josh, You are so brilliantly authentic! Love this and you so much! Yes, I am willing to play full out. And yes, I have been in plenty of those caves, some pretty dark and deep. The important thing is, they were in another time and place and every cave seems to pale in comparison to the earlier ones. Now I just poke my head in and back right out, to the light outside the cave. I rarely stay in there for more than a few minutes, sometimes even less. It is all about choices! Thanks for your beautiful post! I would love to share it with others!
After a failed attempt in my business, my mind went crazy with a bunch of “YOU SUCK! You are going to be poor and living in a box!” talk. I had to say “I’m back”, feel the sensations, breathe, and see what’s in front of me quite a few times. If I hadn’t done the work I learned from you, I guarantee I would have been stuck with the “I suck” talk and wouldn’t have been able to continue creating in my business.
“I’m back” for life! You need to make some t-shirts.
Josh! I’m totally willing to play full out-balls to the wall even! I had an “I’m back” moment this morning. Was originally planning a move back to the Big Apple for mid-June, got a crazy opp to work with one of the top Personal Trainers in the city and help him build his biz (right in your hood btw!)…so I’m moving in 2 weeks-a little panic, anxiety, nervousness wrapped up around moving, getting things done and of course-questioning my skills since I’ll be working side by side with a 10 year veteran to my meager 3…now I’m Back! and ready to take in the various moments coming my way. Thank you for this simple-and powerful reminder 😉
Yes! Dude, we’re learning that and relearning that here too. You have no idea (well… yes you do) how much I use “I’m back.” One of our classes here at UNC is playing with the concept of avoiding drama and self-judgment. We call it taking your F#*k It Pill. You take it with a big glass of Joy.
This program would benefit from C.I. like nobody’s biznass! Have you thought about workshopping it at MFA’s or BFA’s around the country? Cuz, nothing can drive you inward like getting your MFA… sheesh!
Hope all is great!
Matt
What a perfect time to post on the CI blog-when I think I’m not good enough and neither is my story—
So here it is, I just got and am currently at my first professional gig. Woot woot. You would not BELIEVE the dark mind caves I am slinking away into here. It’s almost amazing how adept I am at creating dramas for myself.
Anyways, I am back and here to tell you what happened onstage. I came here all serious. Ready to work hard. Prove myself. Be perfect and all that. Because I’m a PROFESSIONAL now. But then I got here and it was like… a totally casual and relaxed atmosphere. And it FREAKED ME OUT and I didn’t know what to do with myself as my world was turned upside down.
I’m back now, and it was maybe the second night. I went onstage… down on myself and then I received a gift from god. A tickle in my nose. Because that is an impulse that no cave no matter how dark and deep can stop. And the moment that I sneezed-I started to laugh. And my brain (my very talented and controlling brain) short circuited. The song we were all singing ended and I left the stage, laughing about how I just sneezed in the middle of a song. And then I heard my cue line and I realized I was supposed to still be onstage. So I ran back on, and once I got on I had no idea what I was doing there, the lines that I had so perfectly memorized and crafted flew out of my head and I started to CRACK UP. As a matter of fact, I lost it. And then… in losing it I found something new-MY JOY. My be in the moment, go with the flow joy. And i let the laughter overtake me-onstage, in the middle of the show, and the laughter spread to the audience contagiously. I thought I was laughing for like-a few minutes when in reality it was probably about 10 seconds (if that). And then somehow, I came back. I said my line, and walked offstage laughing. And then for the rest of the night, I stopped being a “professional trained actor with a BFA in voice training and lots and lots of technique that I will show you and you will marvel at” And I just had fun. I enjoyed. I made a mistake. I danced. I looked like a fool. I let my body lead me rather than my head.
And I remembered why I got into theatre in the first place. And I had fun onstage for the first time in a long time.
My brain is starting to tell me that this is too long. That I’m posting on an old blog and no one will read it and everyone will hate it and think what I’m saying is stupid and pointless that… I’m back. Even reading that back I’m like… what?
Anyhoo-love to all
thinking of you CI-ers
sammy