I often get asked the question, “What should I do the moment before I go onstage or before the director calls ACTION.”
I’ll answer that by telling you what I learned from playing scrabble with John Malkovich.
Backstory…
The first time I made any real money as an actor was after I got cast in a Broadway play called, I’m Not Rappaport, by Herb Gardner. The play became a hit and won the Tony Award for best play. As a result, I did over 750 performances. Great learning experience.
Rappaport ran at the Booth Theatre on West 45th Street. Next door at The Plymouth Theatre, a stunning production of Lanford Wilson’s Burn This was playing. John Malkovich played Pale in one of the most dangerous and alive stage performances I’ve ever witnessed. At the time I was dating one of the actresses in that production. Years later we had a kid together. But that’s another story. I’m back.
Anyway, there was a nice gap of time after my Rappaport performance was complete and before my curtain call. That’s when I popped backstage to the Plymouth for a start and stop game of scrabble with Malkovich and the Burn This cast. As is customary in all Broadway shows, what is happening onstage is simulcast thru backstage speakers so the actors know when their cues to enter are coming up. This allows for backstage scrabble with no missed entrances.
Here’s what blew me away. Malkovich, who is a killer scrabble player by the way, would lay down six of his seven tiles, score double word points, stand up and shoot himself on stage. Plus he had to be completely drunk in the scene. ( The first time I saw him play that scene from the audience side, I said to myself, that guy must be drinking backstage. It was that believable.)
Contrary to my early acting school training, I saw no preparation. No backstage breathing. No reviewing his circumstances. No imagining. He just popped down the scrabble pieces and flew on stage for some kick-ass-rock-and-roll-impulsive-fucking-acting.
I started to wonder if all that preparation I was doing was actually serving me. It started to feel like a bizarre ritual that ultimately kept me separate from the experience of being with whoever I was working with.
As I started working in film, I discovered how unnecessary it all was. When I worked with Molly Shannon on Year Of The Dog, we would talk about raising kids just barely pausing before Mike White called action. If nothing else, it prevented us from adopting a rigid idea of how things should play out before they even started and it forced us to continue to talk to one another and let the scene unfold.
It does need to be said that, of course, Malkovich rehearsed the play with the brilliant director, Marshall Mason, guiding the process. So John always knew what ballpark he was shooting into. And Molly and I rehearsed with the insightful Mike White as well.
But here’s what’s interesting…
So often when actors start out in Committed Impulse class I see them preparing, focusing, and doing some kind of acting breathing that they learned in acting school. But unfortunately what many of them are doing is killing off their aliveness.
Bottom line: a lot of preparation is often designed to kill off nervousness. But if you kill off nervousness – you kill off everything else that is truthful. We can’t selectively edit ourselves. And, don’t forget, nervousness is awesome.
So here’s my suggestion to you. Once you’ve explored within a rehearsal process (whether it be by yourself prepping for an audition, or with fellow actors in a rehearsal room), and opened the doors of possibility, the next step is to toss it all to the wind, trust that it’s in you, and then just play. A bounding leap of faith into the delicious unknown is where your true creativity flourishes.
The result: irresistible you.
And, if you must prepare, let your preparation be designed to invite discovery and surprise.
I suspect for some this may be disturbing, for others a sense of relief. Let me know your thoughts. And I wish you an awesome day!
RELIEF!!!! Incredible post – thanks J!
Oh Good.
Yea – it is a relief to know that it’s partially an act of surrender and exploration, which can’t be planned.
What a very important post Josh.
When I’m at home preparing to teach a class or give a presentation, I feel I’m pushing so hard to control the delivery and the outcome. I’ve got to get this material down. This is usually weeks before the class or talk even happens.
What you’ve reminded me of is that on the day of the class or the talk, my emotions are completely different, my audience and their emotions are completely different (I was alone before), my surroundings are different. And then what happens? I teach a class or give a presentation that I practiced alone, in my home on a completely different day. I know it feels awkward to me and must be for my audience.
What a gift as I prepare for my first day teaching at NYU next Monday. Thanks!
Love this example, thanks Steve.
Let us know how your class goes.
Great story, Josh! Lessons that can be applied not only in acting but in all phases of life!
Hasta La Vista, baby!
🙂
.-= jean´s last blog ..OVERSTRESSED EQUALS OVERWEIGHT =-.
Exactly!
What a wonderful story and great advice! It’s taken me many years working in the business to come to fully understand what some of my teachers were talking about at Yale over 20 years ago: do your homework and then let it go. If you’ve done the work you must trust that it’s there and will inform whatever choice you make in the moment. I still feel a little guilty at auditions, or in performance, when I see other actors working themselves up into some emotional state and it seems like I’m not doing anything. Reading your post confirms what I’m actually trying to do: be fully present and open to whatever is on the other side of that audition door, or on that stage, on that day. Be flexible and not bound to some preconceived notion of how things should go. “A bounding leap of faith into the delicious unknown is where your true creativity flourishes.” No truer words words have been spoken. Oh the possibilities when you allow that to happen! Thanks Josh.
Sharon, I’m a fan, and flattered.
Thanks.
Come check out class one of these days – just for the creative work out.
Best
Josh
Josh–this is your best post yet! The last two plays I have done I dance party it UP back stage, and while my moves may be lacking in style, I can guarantee you I’m having a lot more fun by the time I get on stage than the kid listening to Evanescence on his iPod in the corner of the green room. MMMHMM!
Josh,
Great story and thanks for the reminder! There’s no place like moment. I’m back, too.
Jaene
Courtney – i’m totally the same. i like to get my Jay Z on before going on stage. i find ‘focusing’ on my breathing, lines etc just ramps up the scary stakes. nowt worse than being in a shared dressing room with intense actors
.-= sarah´s last blog ..Main art project for August ’11 complete! =-.
hahaha awesome! I’m a Kanye girl myself.
Courtney – i’m totally the same. i like to get my Jay Z on before going on stage. i find ‘focusing’ on my breathing, lines etc just ramps up the scary stakes. nowt worse than being in a shared dressing room with intense actors
And – I heard that Malkovich blasted Springsteen in his dressing room before the play started.
Whatever works!
🙂
Thanks, Josh!!
I couldn’t resist devouring a post with “Scrabble” AND John Malkovich in the title cuz I am quite the electronic addict and indeed remember that crackling performance of his.
I resonate so much with what you speak of…and I appreciate the caveat of having prepared DEEPLY (if even briefly) with insightful guidance as a prerequisite for plunging into that fresh and necessarily uncontrived moment.
What I notice is the more I can leave myself alone -once I do the necessary prep- and engage in anything other than the role at hand (churning on it can be a particularly deadly proposition…), the more alive and in the zone my performances are. It is a very mysterious thing though, Josh, and it’s like I have to leave space for that not knowing to be OK–which requires practice and humility 🙂
Finally, thank you for “nervousness is awesome.” I can forget this and needlessly wage a war with all forms of my anxiety and fear. Not fun and not helpful. It’s so nice to know I am not alone in my vulnerability and this dance of radical awakening and play.
Namaste & Hallelujah!
Josh – great post and a relief! It’s one thing to be reminded, and quite another to have it illustrated by such a clear story.
Thanks!
Brilliant, I wish more actors would read this. When I’m in a production and I see actor’s going through all of that, it freaks me out but at the back of my mind I’ll entertain the possibility of doing it as well. In the end I’ve never done it. Thank you so much for the insight and I loved “Year Of The Dog”
Tell them to read it.
🙂
Thanks for your comments, Logan.
Thank you for sharing Josh! Here’s to super-objectives and the superunknown. I’m back. Have a delicious day!
Guess what’s going on a sticky note on my dash today Mr. Pais?!
Ahhh. The freedom of a “bounding leap of faith”
Always apropos. Always needed.
Thank you!
30 days and counting till LA!!
Love it.
Let’s make t-shirts too!
The LA wksp is gonna be awesome.
And, just secured a great guest casting director to come riff with everyone!
Sweeeeeeeeet!!!!
loves it…
yes, yes and… yes
…and congrats on that Tony, very impressive!
many hugs,
L
Thanks Llyane
I’m reminded of how Alfred Hitchcock would prepare Cary Grant or James Stewart before shooting a scene; they’d discuss what they had for dinner the night before at Chasen’s. It’s difficult to imagine either Grant or Stewart doing breathing exercises.
HAHA
LOVE IT!
Josh – A guru you are. Nothing to add but thanks.
Best,
Dan
Dude! Read this on the can (TMI) before warming up to go into rehearsal for In the Next Room (or the vibrator play) here at PlayMakers. I’m playing Leo Irving. It was a great reminder to just be present and let the impulses fly. A LOT of discoveries were made. Keep them good words a comin’ and on that note, can’t wait for your book 🙂
Much love,
Matt
Haha
Have a greatbrehearsal!
“let your preparation be to invite discovery and surprise” YES!
Love the post, Josh. As always.
I’m curious though…What would differentiate tension and nervousness? I do the warming up because I see nervousness as creeping tension. Thoughts?
Love this Josh. Thank you.
Love this Josh. You hit the nail on the head. SO much
Of my personal frustration with NYU came from watching fellow students try to
Solve their inability to throw themselves in with totally irrelevant exercises. Like as if shaking
Your body and throwing out a loud vocalization is somehow going to magically help you be free on stage. I sure wish this story had been told to us then. Make sure your current pupils hear it loud and clear.
Wow, Josh, thanks for the great post! I just did my first show ever on stage this Thursday (“Fat Woman & Remedial Girl”). By some quirk of fate (and a crowd of protesters shutting down the BART station next to the SF Fringe Festival), the trek up from San Jose to San Francisco ended up being this crazy 2.5 hour nightmare that culminated in me sprinting 5 blocks lugging a fold-up bench to get to the theatre on time. The only breathing I was doing as the Production Manager delayed the start by 5 minutes was trying to catch my breath! I survived and had an amazing night.
I appreciate what you’ve expressed, because I believe in the serendipity of “happy accidents.” It’s easy to miss opportunities when you’re sticking to a “plan.” Which seems especially counter-productive in the organic setting of a live theatre performance. Yes, I rehearsed a lot before I got up on stage, but once I was up there, the alchemy of being in the moment with an audience of real, live, breathing people transformed the experience into something greater than what I’d been doing in my living room for two months. So thanks for your insightful perspective.
Sorry for the super-long comment, but I also loved “Year of the Dog,” esp. that scene where Molly Shannon’s character takes her niece to the chicken factory. Oh, you were good in it too. 🙂
An inspiring and Great story, Josh! Lessons that can be applied not only in acting but in all phases of life! I have learnt a lot from your blog. Thanks for sharing it.
You make a good point about using nerves. They can definitely launch you into action.