“Should I call that director I met at the film festival? The one who said I should give her a call? Nah. Let me wait until I feel more upbeat.”
“I don’t quite feel ready to drop my headshot off at that agent’s office. I still have that unsure feeling. . . ”
“I’m going to get back into auditioning soon. Just not super confident . . . yet.”
“That girl is sooo hot. As soon as I feel a little better, I’m definitely going to text her.”
C’mon now. Tell the truth. Have you ever said something remotely like this to yourself? I know I certainly have. And I’ll bet you have too.
Here’s the problem. Life is short, yo.
What exactly are you waiting for?
Confidence?
Maybe when you’re an old fart with quadruple cellulite chins you’ll suddenly feel confident. (Maybe it IS best to wait until then to get those new headshots 🙂
Whoever came up with the idea that we’re supposed to feel “confident” before we move ahead has screwed a hell of a lot of people over.
Look. I’ve worked with and hung out with many of the biggest movie stars around.
Wanna know a secret? They don’t feel any more confident than anyone else I’ve ever met. No shit.
But here’s what’s important for you and I: They don’t wait around to feel some ideal sensation before committing fully to their careers and their craft.
And while we’re talking about it, what the hell is confidence anyway?
And how long does it really last when you’re feeling it? 5 seconds? 1 minute? Maybe an afternoon?
And are you really going to wait for that feeling to arrive before you make your move?
Sugar, here’s the news you need to know. You can’t afford to wait around to feel confident. The planet needs you now.
And just between you and I, confidence is so 1990’s, anyway.
Manipulating yourself into some idea of “confidence” is as cool as those big shoulder pads you had in that shiny leather jacket you used to wear.
Speaking of needing a new look, I say we give confidence a makeover.
Instead of confidence being a solitary, static, euphoric, fleeting feeling, let’s look at it in a new way. As something all-encompassing and real. Something that’s in a constant state of flux. What if the new definition of confidence is “moving ahead no matter what you’re feeling.”
I say, let’s allow “confidence” to encompass the full range of sensations.
The key to this is not to back down and retreat into a mental drama when you feel uncomfortable.
It’s simple. Our new and improved confidence requires breathing while you’re uncomfortable. Embracing those sensations (instead of pushing them away). And staying engaged with whatever is in front of you.
Now that I think about it, this is actually sounding more like being invincible than having confidence. (exciting!)
Here’s the deal. If we want to accomplish anything in life, we all gotta learn to move ahead regardless of whatever sensation occurs.
So what, if you’re feeling nervous or terrified? That’s part of life. Isn’t it? If you wait until those sensations are no longer around…well, at that point, you may just be powder.
Here’s the bottom line. It pains me to see so many actors and creators of all ages delaying making their stamp on the world because they don’t feel some particular sensation (like “confidence”).
We all gotta remember: body sensations are constantly shifting. And putting any sensation at the top of your food chain will only assure one thing: your ultimate disappointment.
Jump now.
The world needs you.
Let’s talk about this. Let me know what you think. When did you first get the idea that confidence was the ideal state to be in? Are you willing to let confidence be something that is in a constant state of flux?
Probably told to “be confident” or “be cool” since I was a pre-teen. Letting that go means my experiences hold more potential for adventure. Moments- and my life experience in them- are more connected, energetic, and beautifully multi-faceted. Yes, I am willing to let confidence be in a constant state of flux…and I’m bookmarking this post to re-read when I need it. Thank you, Josh Pais. -Mel
Awesome.
Let us know how your journey unfolds.
Enjoy
Josh
I realized that ‘confidant flux’ was the ideal state when I saw the power and impact that simply moving forward has in all aspects of my life. It truly seems like the world bends to support you when you are determined to keep going and commit to your craft. Thanks for the reminder Josh. As always, your sentiment is right on.
Hey Louise
Love what u said…
It truly seems like the world bends to support you when you are determined to keep going and commit to your craft.
Inspiring
Thx
You rock! Thank you for giving us permission to just be – be what we feel at any given point and trust that that’s just right.
I think confidence came into play in school when the kid making a presentation in class, with shaking hands and voice, was made fun of. So to avoid the pain of being made fun of for being visibly nervous, I made the agreement to suppress it with “confidence”.
I love you by the way. Thanks!
I think that’s true for a lot of us. Grammer school can be a brutal place.
🙂
I totally agree with you!!. I am like that all the time since…ever and it’s REALLY stupid i can tell you. World should get rid of that shitty feeling and make it to something else (just so to “fool it” or fool yourself anyway), something more productive ’cause that isn’t (well in most of the cases) and i like your blogs man so keep them coming, they are so “raw” and straightforward and true. 🙂
YES. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I’m embarking on a very busy time with lots of original projects going into production/performance next month. I’m in an intense period of creating in ways I haven’t before and it’s so easy to fall into the trap of holding back because I’m not blisteringly confident.
Thanks so much for this. (cannot wait for the book!)
I love this! I am guilty of this line of thinking not just in acting/creating but can see how it bleeds throughout all areas of life. Thank you for re-defining confidence as breakthrough to the next level!
I came to a point in life around 2002 where i just lived. I mean I lived with my heart and soul. Some of the decisions I’ve made were not the best choices I had, but they gave me lessons and experience that I would either never get or get too late in life….What happened? How did I achieve this?
Just as you explained, I believed that if I want something in life I have to go out there reach out and get it, or fail at it. There are only two options. We either get something or get somewhere or we don’t. And both cases are meant to be! If it is for me to get a role than I will get it, and if I do not get that gig it’s not because I suck, but because I didn’t fit it right.
How I define confidence is how i define confident life (and this is just what works for me) The recipe works only when I am sincere about my success for today…..here is the recipe
I need to have good self-esteem, a pinch or arrogance, stir in meditation until drama deflates and stays at the bare minimum (if there is no drama add kudos and let your smile rise). Pour into mold of desire and let set. Lastly, use passion when unmolding.
Unfortunately I must say that life throws curve-balls and sometimes makes us feel that not every day has a happy ending. The trick is to not allow our minds to believe that garbage. Every day has a happy beginning and ending, as long as we know we live our best, no matter the size of cuts and bruises. Face the music and get retarded, you will either be an icon or a damn fool….but you will succeed at the end….is it easy….no….its not……but what success is easy?……understand fear and you will realize that confidence is just a camouflage..
indifference, indecision, doubt, worry, over-cautiousness, procrastination….these are the bastards we need to watch out for….
Awesome post Josh….great way to start the week, thank you!
Hey Omar the chef, have to quote your recipe. Awesome post!
feel free to cook it up any way you want to Jelynne
What if the new definition of confidence is “moving ahead no matter what you’re feeling.”
love it! Yes! I’ve been told so many times that I am ‘brave’ or ‘talented’ or ‘gifted.’ I’m not. My secret is to just get out there and give it my all, whatever I’m doing. Do I still hold back in some areas of life? You bet! But that’s what it’s all about: growing, learning, pushing myself to explore my edges a little more each day.
Yea – all we can do is commit. And that’s a lot!
This is Ridonculously good shit Josh! Love the paradigm shift and sooo psyched to see you (and help you) get your killer content to further spread like wild fire through the acting community and beyond!
Wrrrd up!
HAHA
Thx K
I certainly appreciate your help getting this work out to everyone who is open to it.
Love it, love it, love it. “Moving ahead no matter what you’re feeling” is perfect in being both so actionable and so memorable. Thank you.
You’re so welcome.
Thanks for writing to us.
Josh, thank you for having your finger right on the pulse of the present! I am so glad and so lucky to be in your circle of friends. For the last month or so I have been swimmin around out side of my comfort zone and nervous as all get out. I was beginning to think something was wrong but I kept going even though the confidence was lacking. I just felt that it is worth it. This is what I want (not the nervous feeling but to go after my life, my art, my dreams passionately)And then your post came along and told me I am on the right path. This gnawing nervous feeling is not wrong. It’s just a sensation.
You are definitely on the right path!
I love it when you call me Sugar, Josh. This post is a great wake-up call. I love the part about the fact that major movie stars don’t feel any more confident than the rest of us…but the difference is that they simply move forward anyway. One of my favorite things to learn about those I admire is how they’re just as scared as I am…and that they simply put one foot in front of the other and keep on committing. Thanks for all of these great reminders.
Sugar, fear is built into our DNA. There’s nothing bad about it. It’s just a body rush.
Eeeeehaaaa
love it. love it, love it!!! im ready to roll today and will continue tomorrow! im done with always doubting if im good enough and ready to just know that i am and go for it! i need this post. so much in the works…let’s do this!
.-= grasie´s last blog ..Feeling Santa Barbara =-.
You go girl!
And if you start doubting, just say “I’m Back!”
Hi Josh, Well done! Spot on for me. And the awesome thing I noticed is that this subject is also what I firmly believe in and stand for as a coach. There is just no time to wait for confidence, whatever that may be – because that is actually a comfort zone. And comfort zones won’t allow anyone to grow and expand. Courage and aliveness is what the world needs. Thank you for sharing your insights in such a catchy way! Eline
Yea, comfort zones are there to be broken. The result is we have more comfort and fun and everything else. Sure there may be some body sensations as we cross the line, but so what. I’m sure you’re an awesome coach!
Josh? You mean I don’t have to feel ______ in order to do ________ . Ok – this is so cool. I mean seriously. I’m not being a smarta$$ either. When I’m calm I know this. But when I’m nervous I forget. Nervous = Instant Amnesia. Thank you for the reminder. I am printing this one out, on paper even.
.-= Linda Eaves´s last blog ..3am Newsflash =-.
haha, love nervous + instant amnesia.
Let me know how your journey unfolds with this stuff.
Rock on!!
Oh goodness gracious, boy am I guilty of this mistake! Your post is so timely. Thank you very much for the reminder. My favorite part is: “The planet needs you.” Yes! Amen. So today I have taken one scary action toward my dream that I’ve been putting off. And I’m inspired to take one action each day for the next 90 days. Some of them will require me to move forward despite lack of confidence, I know for sure. Here goes nothin’!
Thanks, Josh, for this! 🙂
much hugs,
L
Hi Josh, I really enjoyed this post. Right before I read this I was having an internal debate about reaching out to a few directors I had worked with before. My only reason for not contacting them was a lack of confidence. Reading this piece made me realize how stupid that was. Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you more. – Scott
Yea – jump in Scott!
thanks for sharing that josh! i feel like i can do anything in this moment.
YOU CAN!